Since we here at MyTherapistSays are low-key diehard Taylor Swift fans, we feel personally victimized by this video. Is she out to get us? Why does she keep dancing like my drunk middle aged aunt after two too many wine spritzers?

Ok, now that I got that off my chest, let’s analyze this mess from the beginning. The song opens with Taylor singing in autotune. I clicked on a Taylor Swift music video, not a T-Pain one, right? (Ugh, I miss her bedazzled guitars aka the much simpler times).

It then cuts to Taylor just chilling in a hotel lobby alone with her sexy Secret Service entourage who also happen to dance – pretty sure that a singer having a bunch of hot bodyguards is a plot of a Whitney Houston movie (and the fan fiction I am currently writing). In the music video, Taylor tries to get the attention of everyone around her, but soon realizes she is now magically invisible and irrelevant, kind of like when Harry Potter puts on the invisibility cloak. If you ask me, her little fantasy sounds like my own personal nightmare since i am a known attention whore (duh).

Basically, this whole music video is just Taylor doing Taylor things but without her squad. There’s a scene where she’s making weird faces to herself in the mirror (this whole part reminds me of that one time I had too much of my ex’s “special brownies” because I was hella PMS-y and needed something sweet but ended up being convinced that my face was melting. Fun times).

And then there’s a scene where she is dancing full out in the lobby (and everywhere else, really) that is super cringey to watch.You’re not a AIM status circa 2004, so please do not ~*~dance like nobody’s watching~*~ it’s def not as cute as it sounds. Taylor, on behalf of all white girls, we love you but please do less.

Literally, this video has no cohesiveness because it went from uncoordinated hip hop dancing in a hotel lobby to ballet dancing in a hotel lobby to an interpretive dance in a subway station. Barefoot dancing in a subway? Actually no, barefoot anything is what my nightmares are made of, add the subway to that and I feel sick af (not in a good way).

I’m actually praying that Taylor never stops being the world’s top pop star and has to resort to appearing on Dancing With The Stars, because i’ve already had enough of her dance moves. And I am saying this as someone who has gone to see her on every tour. Can the old Taylor please come back now? I will never stop blaming Kim Kardashian for ruining the one good thing we had.

This video just looks like a budget, fan’s tribute version of Sia’s chandelier. I’m so sorry Maddie Ziegler you deserve to be excluded from this narrative.

I feel as lost watching this video as I did when I took Molly at Coachella in 2013 and lost all my friends. But, just as quickly as I came out of my Molly-induced trance, the video quickly changes to Taylor dancing in the rain. Honestly, I can’t even hate on this part because she’s channelling her inner The Notebook vibes, and I back it.

It turns out Taylor was dancing to find someone, because the video ends with her in a bar looking for the special someone and then smiling at them but we don’t see who the mystery person is. Is it Joe Jonas?! Jake Gyllenhaal?! Did she finally find the old Taylor and she can come to the phone now?! I sat through 3 minutes and 54 seconds of this weirdness that you call a music video and you don’t even show me who you were looking for? I don’t get to be rewarded with a cute scene of you and Joe Alwyn reenacting the Notebook properly? Wtf, that’s rude, TayTay, just rude.

This video was just strange and weird and there are really no other words, because it was just strange and weird, and NOT in a “cool”, “artsy” way. Especially since it literally had nothing to do with the song, which sucks because the song is cute and v old Taylor that I really miss. My personal favourite Taylor Swift video still is—and always will be – ‘You Belong With Me’, and if you don’t agree, then you’re just lying.

One thing I am proud of is, Taylor giving a nod to memes by memeing herself after the release of the video by captioning a video of her dancing with “Your crush is coming, act natural” Well played, T-Swift, well played.

By: Hunter Sol