I really wish I didn’t have to write about this, like I actually was avoiding talking about Justin Bieber’s love life, because there’s just too much to keep up with. I need a Xanax for this emotional roller coaster and it’s not even my own. Apparently, we’ve come to this point, so here goes.

This past winter, Justin and Selena reunited and everyone thought it was for good, and that they were each other’s lobsters (if you don’t understand this reference, who are you??). It’s only been a few days since they broke up for the 150000000th time (I don’t even know anymore, that number is just an estimate), but the Biebs is already on the prowl.

His rebound game is already in full swing, because Justin has been spotted hanging out with a blonde named Baskin Champion. Who is this girl, and what the fuck kind of name is Baskin? Is her middle name Robbins? Baskin’s sister is Abby Champion, who’s dating Patrick Schwarzenegger….who’s JB’s BFF. Got it? Good.

After doing some FBI level stalking (did you think I wouldn’t?), I found out that Baskin is 22-years-old, and a model, meaning she’s JB’s type. She’s a former Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Rookie, so basically, she’s hot shit. Baskin also was a pageant queen, meaning you know she’s probably whack, because what pageant girl isn’t?

Safe to say that it’s highly unlikely that the two of them will end up getting tattoos of each other’s names, or whatever the fuck people do to show commitment these days, but everyone needs a good rebound now and then.

My dad always says “you knew the program when you signed up for it”, so I’m sure Baskin knew what she was signing up for, which is just a lot of publicity and getting to fuck Justin Bieber. Honestly, who wouldn’t be down for that though?

Cheers Baskin and JBiebs, can’t wait to read about why you guys ended on TMZ in 3 weeks!!

By: Hunter Sol